How to explain gratitude to my 10-year-old daughter?
Heather K asked:
I struggle w/ my finances, but am blessed to have parents & in-laws who make it possible for me to do fun things for my kids, give them treats, etc. The problem is, that my daughter has seemed so ungreatful lately. Nothing’s ever good enough. I offer her $1 for a treat, she wants something that’s $2. I say we can go to the discount movies, she wonders why we can’t go to the regular theater? I say she can swim for 30 min., she says why can’t it be an hour? I have ended up in tears because I am so frustrated and angry. I feel bad for sarcastically saying that if I won $1million, she’d be pissed it wasn’t $1 billion. I have tried so hard to instill gratitude in her and have failed miserably. I hope this is just a phase, but I feel strongly that if I don’t nip this attitude in the bud right now, that it will just get worse. I can theorize all I want about how she got this way (one reason could be her father’s & my impending divorce) but I need to know how to fix it!
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on Wednesday, November 28th, 2007 at 10:54 am and is filed under Gratitude.
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November 29th, 2007 12:39
Stop giving her anything other than what she absolutely has to have to survive and let her learn about it.
Seriously, if you enable her she will continue to expect more.
Next time you hand her a dollar and she wants two take it back and let her do without.
December 1st, 2007 20:49
It’s a difficult one. I would try not to get so worked up and frustrated with her stance on this. If you give her 1 dollar and she asks for two, just say ‘no, 1 is enough’ and move on.
Don’t quibble, don’t argue, just say it once, but say it firmly.
It does sound like she is starting early on the ’selfish teenage’ phase that we all go through. I doubt this attitude will be representative of how she will be as an adult so don’t worry too much about it.
Good luck.
December 4th, 2007 02:26
i had cub scouts and i can tell you that kids between 8 - 12 or so see everything in black and white.. there is no gray area in there many times!!
so they either like it or hate it (usually hate whatever it is and it’s not good enough)…
the best you can do is tell your daughter to take the $1 and buy something, or save it until she gets another dollar…. tell her that if she doesn’t want to go to discount movies, you will find a babysitter…. and let her know your limits are what they are, and when you say 30 minutes of swimming, that is what you mean.
just stick by your rules and thoughts on what you can do, and let her whine… you can also limit any rewards or treats when she whines and complains. be consistent.
another thing you could do is let your daughter know that you are sure the divorce has affected her, and that you understand she’s got feelings of upset, and even as if she’s been abandoned. you can assure her that, even though your family is not together anymore, everyone still loves and cares for her… and will listen to her problems… and do what they can to help…
take care… sending hugs.
December 5th, 2007 07:53
just sit her down and explain the financial situation briefly and the struggles. the sooner the better, kids need to know there is no tree with money. will help her in the future too good luck